Category Archives: Runderstandings

Emotions..

Such an infant in dealing with emotions

😀 okay, I walk about crush way took often here. 😀 aiya, its my blog ma. What do you expect right? 😀

kk, really, I think I’m okay in the department of love, its easy to love someone if you accept the person for who he or she is. (thats just my 2, inexperienced cents)

But that dealing with emotions thing.. oh my good.

and as I’ve said. Love is a two channel thing. They flow to that one destination, and both channel has to be on constant flow in-order for the destination to be fulfilled.
Commitment and Emotions.

I’m slowly getting the idea of commitment, but of cos this entry is not about that. Lets do that Emotions thing.

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That dress!

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As I laid in bed, feeling miserable, trying really hard to fall asleep last night, my thoughts floated back to my family, love ones in Singapore. How my mom would come by to my bed and feel my head when I ran a fever bcos of food poisoning previously.

The throat itched, the mind is irritated. The nose breathe heavily… As I yearn for closeness and concern, I indulge in self-pity for a brief moment. Knowing that The Lord is aware and one has been set aside.

As I walked towards the ladies room, after conducting the 6th period of the day, I realized that those were the reaction of a woman.
That I allowed myself to take pity, but not overindulged. I know that I will be taken care of. That I do not dwell on it, but instead bounced back and looked forward. It is but a passing phase and it will be fine.

When I finally slipped into deep slumber after 2 paracetomol and 2 danzen tablets, it was a deep and peaceful rest.
Waking up to a new day, I thank God that His mercies are renewed everyday and He gives His beloved rest.

and of course that beautiful shift dress from ASOS that I can look graceful in with minimal effort and makeup (you know you love them when you absolutely dont feel like going to work on that day (and other times too)). 😀
*BwhAhahAHHAaha.

and I love love love love this Daisies Mono!!!!!

thanks for coming by

Be Bless
Love,
Amanda

Dating

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SO this video on Ted about hacking into online dating.
😀

Please view it if you hadn’t, its interesting. Having been on dating sites long enough, I could fully comprehend her points and entirely agree to her research.

So the other time, during Valentines day, I posted this:

and to this day, I still agree to it. and what we look for is that (we)deemed worthy guy to partner that on.

Reminds me of this experiment I put myself into the past months.

I abstain. I walked away. I chose.

and obviously the body isn’t coping well. there were bouts of topsy turvy. the insane mood swings that (I thought) chocolates can solve. the need. THE NEED.

Its not loneliness, because loneliness can be solved by interacting with people close to your heart, or hanging out with friends. I have plenty of female colleagues and attention I tell you.

So conclusion. It was members of the male species… I wanted attention from guys.
Ladies and Gentleman, its the libido at play…

We can’t run away from it… its primitive…

I guess the point is, it is not abnormal to crave attention and interaction from the male species.
While I feel that the culture norm treats its as abnormal or being “too-open” to openly seek responds from the male species, I think that stigma.

I say *aloha* to culture norms.

Thanks for coming by

Be Bless
Love,
Amanda

The Best We Know

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Have you watch Glee Season 5, the episode entitled “Movin’ Out”?
I was very intrigued by Becky and her interaction with the special guy in that tour she went for.
See snippets below.

I think its very real, not just of the special people, but even of the normal people as well.
The form of interaction, sarcasm. She pretends that she didn’t like him. But its obvious, thats her entree to the kingdom of relationship.

and it just reminds me of how relationships work for normal people.
We do our best and react to situations as best as we could. Sometimes one of the ways is sarcasm.
Other times its sweetness and being dainty. For me, its critical analysis (and of course w the bullcrap detector on full-swing mode).

Thanks for coming by

Be Bless
Love,
Amanda

I.T Guys

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I’ve been meeting and interacting with a couple of guys from the IT industry these days. Those of position, not the data entry kind. (not that I’m belittling some, this distinction is necessary for the purpose of the entry). (although surprisingly, I.T Guys does not have a particular body type. They are either normal or overly plus)

So… one was really random, met on the plane ride, the other was currently the longest Indon-friend I have and another was from online. (and many others that aint exactly at the back of my mind).

I realise one thing, they are all overly stimulated. (So poor thing, not that its a bad thing, cos I am like that).

Because their line of work requires them to analyse perhaps massive data, and I would assume deal with codes and system flows at times.

That rolls into the effect of having the constant need for intellectual stimulation. (I do think they would talk nonsense too, just that I hadn’t had a taste of it yet).

That guy on the plane was super fidgety. We could be chatting and then lapse into a brief period of silence, and then there will be another come back not on the surface of a topic, but of content obviously from after analytics (could be of a new topic or the current topic). Other moments he will be touching the magazine, his passport, the food tray (which I’m guilty at times too) and well, doing other things that I didn’t notice as I probably would be asleep. 😀

and the other guy. He is the master of “Why”. Tracing downwards, getting to the roots. Spilling random facts, (trying) to proof that he is very knowledgeable. Intrigue you with new thoughts, sharing that he is reading this certain book, economics, politics, control, power, current situations. Its just… the whole time. I just laugh at him. The whole time.
😀 okay lar, got giggle and chuckle too.

and of course that longest-known-IT guy friend, I asked for verification, and he agrees, people in the IT line tend to analyse things a lot. 😀

I know right.

and I think if SG guys had it hard, Indon guys had it harder.

I jokingly agree with the longest-known-IT guy friend, that I should hang out with an IT guy. Let him provide the mental stimulation that I crave..

😀

Thanks for coming by

Be Bless
Love,
Amanda

Conversations

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Okay,

So i’ve unpurposefully isolated myself. 😀
Just kidding,
I didn’t isolate myself, and neither were things done purposefully nor unpurposefully.

Considering I had enough interaction during the working hours, with the kids mainly, I appreciate the quietness that comes when.. I don’t input and output much.

Then came the tons of Ice Shaken Lemon Tea I’ve been drinking. and of course, the amount of money I’ve thrown into the Starbucks card.

Especially and mainly because, you guess it, the interaction I get from the exchange with the Baristas.

I only understood it recently that I would somehow bring myself to the SB nearby (like 3mins walk away) day in and day out to get that tea, not bcos I’m addicted to the tea, but because I look forward to that interaction with the Baristas.

Some days, its “Oh I want that Lemon taste to perk me up.”
Some days, its “I’m picking up groceries or breakfast, so hey, swing by.”
It just happens.

I took time to analyse the conversations and interaction, I came to this conclusion,
its that non-work, genuine smile, occasional sweet message on the cup (read successful marketing tactic enhanced by personal touch, as you can see from the photo above) that I went back for day in and day out.

Its especially because its non-committal, its non-consequential. Its a Hi, Weather talk/Acquaintance talk, Bye, thing.
Just nice for someone like me.

While I run away from extensive interactions, I run to this safe zone of communication. The duration, is the selection of the order, the processing of the payment, and that extra small talk when picking up that drink.

It intrigues me how understanding self becomes a coping mechanism. (I probably will be more messed up in the relationship department if not because of them). Its not necessary because the person is in a dire state thats why this was necessary, its simply bcos I’m a social creature. I am normal. (If the situation rings a bell, you are normal too, just not one of the larger crowd of norms).

OH and one thing I noticed about myself, or the my behaviour as a consequence of the situation(-as-a-whole), eye contact became an elusive act.
Because all these interactions are short and brief, including the dealings with the students, I don’t stay to maintain eye contact long enough. I had a verbal exchange with you, we understood each other, and we move on. Thats that.

Its like, “hey, what happened, why do I disregard eye contact these days. Yes, theres always that next thing to look towards, to glance over, but where did that sincerity in speech went to?”
Not that I wasn’t sincere, but I realise, it takes effort to maintain eye contact too. To stay and gaze, Interesting.

Begs the question, how long should a random conversation be? how long to show a person that you care?

For as long as both party is comfortable, I urge.

Thanks for coming by

Be Bless
Love,
Amanda

Expectations…

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Sometimes, anticipating things beforehand gives one a false sense of expectation. Its only when we got there, engaged, then do we know how it really is.

To swim, to eat, to study, to live, to participate, to commit.

The key to it then is to anticipate all u can, n do the due preparation as much as possible. When you finally get in, strike at it w passion, when you finally get in, give it all u got and never look back. (Giving It All)

Because you are there afterall to figure it out. You are there to see to the end of things. You are there.

Anything thats worth doing, anything that has an expected end requires a plan, patience and long suffering. (Commitment)

The world, in all its wonders and interaction is not controlled by you, you are just a participant, diff is you can control what u do n what you feel about it.

Know that we dont always get what we want, but also know that we shld always take stock of what we get n be grateful for them. (Expectation Management)

Life is what you want it to be.

Thanks for coming by

Be Bless
Love,
Amanda

Man

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Praise the Lord!!

😀 I wanted to start the post with a curse word previously, but well, thought I should change it around instead

In case you still didnt realize, I’m working in the education sector in Indonesia, Jakarta specifically. AND I am of a marriageable age. Pressing 30 now.

Yes, I posted plenty of post about marriage, choices, perspective, only short of the decoration of the ceremony and who is the man to be. 😀

okay, so this post is about the man to be.

Not that I have found any actually. Kinda hanging there, cos since I’m working towards the great woman behind the great man… Great man are really not that easy to find, or perhaps is just too busy to come find this great woman. 😀 Just kidding.

Anyway, so having been in the neighborhood of Indonesians… Generally non-english speaking, tan boys, I actually had a lot of thoughts. (Besides the idea that I totally open my eyes wide at Chinese boys when I go down the aisle of supermarkets in Singapore that is)

Its so much that I dont really know where to start.

Indonesian

The whole idea of marrying into a huge family scattered across states of Java and the different states of Indonesia
Or perhaps the parents pass and its a simpler story
So whats gonna happen if the man wants to come to Singapore and establish himself?
Whats gonna happen if the man prefers to stay in Indonesia?
Which country is my child gonna study in?
All that talk about advantage and privileges of mixed race
Am I ready for a taitai lifestyle (if it is to be)
Can my retirement plan be applied there? Just how versatile is this retirement plan of mine really?

Singaporean

okay.
But no, having seen the more un-hurried side of life and understanding how it is like in Jakarta, I’m sadden by how Singapore has made man to be. How hard it is to live in Singapore. While I’m not absolutely in love with staying and working in Jakarta, I hope my man has a brain for himself, or at least the finances for himself/us/the family.
And since I’m working in Jakarta, possibly for another 1 or 2 years, is it gonna work out? How is it gonna work out? I think this is my chief worry.

I used to date an Indian and I got all sorts of rejects and disapproval from the mom, and the talks/thoughts about marrying a chinese and just settling down in Singapore.

Hmm.. I reviewed the list, hmm.. these are just transitional problems. Think I shouldnt be overly involved/thinking about them. 🙂 As long as he is the right man, it’ll work out. 🙂 Choices right?

One of the biggest lesson I learnt in 2013 is definitely longsuffering. Still learning actually. Wait… Patiently… and due season it will come, everything will work out on its own in due season.

But I still believe in going out there to see and be seen. Because this great woman will never be discovered by the great man if this great woman hides in a cave isnt it? 🙂

So dont be shy and wave hi if you see me dating, walking down the streets with a man okay? 😉

😀 Thanks for coming by

Be Bless
Love,
Amanda

Marriage is not for me

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This came up on 9gag and I thought its deserving of a post, just as the next one coming up.

Heres to the writeup: http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/

My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.

…

But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.

Perspective and experience, you can never buy them.

Thanks for coming by

Be Bless
Love,
Amanda

The Notebook

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I finally watched “The Notebook”. Its gazillion years ago. I know. 😀

HBO in my Jakarta apartment, thats why.

I didnt notice a lot of dialogue, except 2,

ones the one where she was screaming at the mom, talking about her and dad never play. watever watever.

the other one, of course is the guy to the woman:

“Would you just stay with me?
Stay with you? What for? Look at us! We’re already fighting!
Well that’s what we do! We fight! You tell me when I’m being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you’re being a pain in the ass! Which you are, 99% of the time. I’m not afraid to hurt your feelings, you have like a two-second rebound rate and you’re back doing the next pain in the ass thing.
So, what?
So it’s not gonna be easy, it’s gonna be really hard. And we’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I wanna do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever. You and me. Everyday.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

Its real, because thats how relationship is… thats how two very different and complete person coming together is.
Because one is assured about him/herself. 2 complete persons coming together, fighting because of the different opinion, and yet at the end of the day, agreeing to disagree and continue on “forever” “Everyday”.

Its realistic although poetic.

Thanks for coming by

Be Bless
Love,
Amanda